He could still hear her high pitched laugh, humming throughout the room. He could still feel her warming embrace as she wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her head on the back while he scrolled through twitter. Her skin on his. Laying in bed till the sun greeted them with a warm brace of heat. He sighed to himself as he stared at the door, he thought back to that day.
“It’s not the right time for us,” He said calmly, his eyes fixed on her. His heart ached and grew with regret as he watched her eyes grow cold. She stayed rooted in her spot, the wind gently creasing her skin, shifting her hair away from her now more prominent cheekbones. They had become more prominent over the last couple of weeks, as her anxiety built up to this day. Everything she gave to her body, rejected it. She sat with her while her anxiety possessed her body, eyes glued to her screen waiting for his text. That text, “Can we talk?”. She knew it was going to happen. In a small corner of her heart, she had hope for him. For them. She should have listened. Her eyes shifted across his face, examining the blank expression he wore in, an attempt to cover up his true emotions.
“Bullshit.” Her face was pale as he had never seen before as if her blood was shrining away from his presence. As guilt crept into him, he broke his gaze with hers. He buried his head into his hands as she continued under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear.
“Why are you so afraid of falling in love?” They locked eyes. He could see the pain mirrored in her eyes, her nose wrinkled as a protest, as tears streamed down her face. He was the perfect distance to kiss her, to hold her but, she shook her head and retreated to the other side of the room. Muffled cries echoed throughout the room as she wiped her tears back. He sat with his thoughts. He wondered around in his mind for an answer but, behind every thought was another blank thought. She paced the room, biting the dead skin from her finger as she wonders helplessly in her anxious thoughts. With each stride, her mind became more and more clear, as the physical distance between them had become an emotional chasm. She continued to pace the length of the room, chewing on the dead skin that hung off her nails.
“You accept me for who I am, you accept my flaws, you are understanding about my bad days…when I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. What happens when you don’t? I am not scared of falling in love with you…I’m scared you won’t fall in love with me.” She stopped in her tracks. She stared at the blank-faced that sat on the other side of the room. Her eyes traced his figure, he sat upright with no frown and his body did not tremble with emotion, all he wore was a blank stare. He hung his head and cursed to himself as he knew she saw through him. A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye, running down his right cheek. She swallowed her grief with a gulp.
“I can’t love someone who will not let me. God, I could have loved you.” Her words float in the air, haunting him as each word makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand tall. He bit his lip still blood oozed from the cut, as regret sat heavy with him.
“Fuck!” He screams till his throat burns with anger but, only the ghosts, the memories of him and her were the only ones to hear it.
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